Collected Tips on Long Distance
Hi! It's August 18th! Today's your freaking day! I'm writing this at 6:54pm ;)
Here is my first writing contribution to the website - so far I've been creating the website and making sure it works.
To be honest, I've tried the past few days, since returning to Omaha, to find some long distance advice beyond our own introspection and thoughtfulness in a few different places. The more substantial advice (and only somewhat at that) on Substack, Reddit, and random psychology websites don't bring many sparking ideas to me, and I've had to filter through a lot of triggeringly sad anecdotes to find things that are even at that level. I've decided this isn't the space that deserves the energy and attention right now, so I'm leaving the short list of helpful things I did find below so that my reading doesn't feel like a waste. We're lowkey just smarter than all these fools out here. Reddit people do seem to be the most grounded. Pick and choose what you wish to feel in your heart ;)
These aren't rules we have to follow per se, but I think they're nice to think about and can help us be intentional in starting this space in time apart:
Trust and patience
Express yaself! No need to hide any feeling/emotion whether it be labeled as 'bad' or 'good'
Make time to hear and hold the other - develop a routine without harsh obligation
Find security in your own company --> but don't be scared to ask for a companion when you need one, I'm your girl
Talk about the future - shared understanding is critical. Also understand that these goals can change. Be gracious with each other as changes arise
Make peace with the unknown
Relationships are dynamic!
The external distance will fade, lean into the internal connection
I also talked to Ethan Finkelstein about his long distance relationship to hear his reflections, and he told me jealousy has come to him in different forms than he was expecting. He's not much of a jealous guy, he says, but he does get jealous of who gets to be in Ashley's life, and he tends to hold some animosity towards these people? He felt jealous of her other relationships that could spend time with her. He doesn't have much time each day he can allot to calling her, and felt jealous of the people who have freer schedules than him. What he ultimately learned was to feel relief that she has other people in her circle of support that can fill her otherwise lonely time. He feels like any person who loves her is on his team, even though he didn't express that part to me. I think some jealousy remains, but I also don't think that is a totally 'bad' emotion. He also told me they find fun ways to play games online together and other ways to keep their love playful.
Although I feel the unknown about how our relationship will play out over the next few years, I have full trust that we will navigate it with grace and understanding and come so much closer to each other's hearts. I already knew that ;) but these articles and Ethan's experience solidified in me that we are a different breed of lovers. You know how to love so truthfully, in line with your being, and I will never get used to how well you know how to express your love subtly and evidently. You continue to surprise me with your ability to follow through with action on your word, confront (y)our heart when necessary, and be the softest yet strongest-willed human I've met in this life. All of those qualities in you and more create the most assuredness I feel in this adventure of ours. I have tears of happiness typing about the amount of pride and respect I have for your journey. Love feels how I always wished it to be with you, and your journey is mine. Thanks for doing this for us! The world is inside me and its sprinkling drops of you. We can do anything through the power of this love. Your heart is in my hands, and I'm snuggling her, packing her lunch, and sending her into the world. You'll always have a gentle, caring home in me; you already do. heart emoji
Okay wait I wasn't done, I lowkey went on a little tangent thinking about our love :) I mean to say that I know our navigation of this distance thing will be so fit to us, and I think it was helpful for me to read some of these things, but ultimately, it was most helpful for me because these tips seem obvious to us? Things are fluctuating, and we'll flow with it all because you're my partner fa lifeeee tongue emoji. I Love you Tan!
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